Chapter Text
“What a ridiculous proposal,” he heard Lute say, “as if redemption would ever be possible! Simply ludicrous! Right, sir?”
Damn.
Not his Lute either.
What a pain.
Adam kills himself again.
“Right, sir?”
And again.
“Right, sir?”
And again.
“Sir?”
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Adam wonders how Lute did it. Sera had called Lute’s soul ‘feeble’ but here Adam was just killing himself without Lute, his Lute, by his side. Lute, meanwhile, had endured this repetition for hundreds of years, all alone, until at long last he started to remember.
“Sir?”
Lute’s hand fell on his shoulder when he didn’t respond to her. He was still in the room where he was hiding during the meeting with Charlie. Evidently, Lute had come to fetch him.
God, he was tired. Mentally exhausted. He could feel his skull throbbing where he always jammed his ax into it.
“Sir, is everything alright?”
“No, Lute, it really isn’t,” he sighed, snapping his fingers to summon a portal, “go home, there’s something I need to do. Alone.”
Lute opened her mouth, a look of hurt on her masked face, “Very well, I understand, sir.”
She gave him a worried look before walking through the portal. He felt a little bad that her feelings were probably hurt, it’s not like she knew what was going on, but… sh*t, he was just so tired.
Adam summoned another portal to the last place he ever wanted to go to. He took a deep breath and stepped through the vortex.
Immediately he was assaulted with a punch to the face, backed up by rancorous laughter as Adam was sent flying. He hit the ground with a grunt and groaned as he looked up, feeling his mask break apart. God, what an asshole this guy was.
“Awww, it’s ‘dear ol dad’!” The man who punched him snorted, landing with a surprising amount of grace in front of Adam, his feathers ruffling and his raptor-like claws tapping on the ground, “Haven’t seen you since the flood, dough-boy!”
Adam rolled his eyes and glared at the man, “David, still an asshole, I see,” he pushed himself up and brushed himself off, “tell me, you and Jonny-boy still living in bi-denial?”
David growled, his feathers on his neck and arms bristling at the mention of his best friend, “Do not start that sh*t again, you weak wannabe soldier!”
“Brother David, are you picking fights again?” A tall angel dressed in gray and black appeared behind David, barely whispering, “And with Sir Adam, no less.”
The angel, a Heavenborn, bowed respectfully toward Adam.
“Dumah,” Adam sighed, annoyed that he could barely hear the angel when he spoke. Of course, Dumah could level an entire city with his voice, necessitating him to whisper, so it was a good thing he only whispered, “Glad to see someone not reeking of toxic machismo is around,” Adam shot a smug grin at David, “anyway, I need to speak to Michael.”
David scoffed at him. Not surprising, Adam’s always butted heads with the man ever since David first showed up in Heaven. Adam really didn’t think he belonged in Heaven after the whole incident where David orchestrated the murder of one of his soldiers just so he could bed the man’s wife.
Ugh, and there was the guy's son! Hundreds of wives and concubines! That was just poor parenting on David’s part.
Naturally, an offhanded comment by Adam about that and David fired back some terrible remarks about Cain. Thus began a mutual hatred of each other.
“Thought you never wanted to see the commander after you ran off like a little bitch,” David smirked, co*cking his brow at the man, “always ‘oh, Michael, please let me out! I can’t take it anymore!’,” he barked out a laugh, “Dear ol dad can’t do what it takes to be the best, so he had to run off to the comforting arms of his whor*s! Bunch a cheap imitations of us, it’s pathetic.”
“Big talk coming from a guy in Michael’s adorable little all-male harem,” Adam shot back, “f*cker, don’t forget the only reason you’re even here is because Michael is f*ckin’ man-crazy thanks to who? Oh yeah, me!”
The two glared at each other until Dumah intervened, “I think that’s enough, you two haven’t seen each other in thousands of years. Please be civil.”
David clicked his tongue, tapping his talons on the floor in irritation, “Whatever, we don’t f*cking want a weakling and a coward like you here, dough-boy,” he snorted, “even Deborah, a woman, endured Michael’s training.”
“And where is that badass bitch now, hm?” Adam gave him a smug grin, “Oh that’s right, she came to work for me! I mean, she retired, but still, she ditched your group and was my badass babe of a lieutenant for years, man! So suck on that!”
David snarled a bit and Dumah grabbed him by his scruff, “That’s enough, go find Solomon, we have to train,” he sighed, “he’s probably in the city, balls deep in some Heavenborn.”
David grumbled and backed off, flipping Adam the bird before leaving.
“f*ckin’ hate that guy,” Adam snorted.
“Hm, yes, well, I’m sure Michael will be pleased to see you. Follow me.” Dumah walked off and Adam made sure to stick close to him, unnerved by the menacing stares he got from the men around here. With rare exception, Michael only accepted men into her legion and they were all fanatically devoted to her, even more so than his girls were to him.
They were Heaven’s elite. Guardian soldiers who descend to Earth to slay the demons who went there to tempt or kill humans. Though, Adam’s heard they’ve been slacking lately for some reason. An uptick in killings by demons. Ah well, that was Michael's problem to figure out.
Dumah opened the door to Michael’s office and Adam took a deep breath before stepping in.
“Michael,” he announced his presence and the archangel snapped her head up, vibrant and holy blue eyes peeking through golden blonde bangs, “long time, no see,” he smiled awkwardly and the woman stood to her full height, towering over him as she grinned her razor sharp smile.
“Welcome, Adam,” she approached him, putting her hand on his head, “to what do I owe this visit? As I recall, you quite fearfully announced you never wanted to see me again unless it was at the meetings of the Angelic Orders.”
“Ah-ha… Yeah, about that…” Adam scratched the back of his head nervously, “I, uh, I sorta need your help with something.”
“I see…” Michael clasped her fingers together, her face scrunched up in thought, “That’s quite the tale you’ve told and then your request is, well…”
“Please, Michael,” Adam bowed at the waist, showing respect for the archangel, humbling himself before the Angel of Humility herself, “I need your help, to find the woman I love. Even if you don’t believe my story, surely you still want to break me down and reforge me, don’t you?”
Michael’s long, feather-like, hair ruffled in excitement and Adam could practically hear the woman grinning. Of course, there’s no way she’d pass up a chance to humble anyone. To rid them of their pride and, by extension, their shame.
“Oh, Adam,” she cried tears of joy, putting her hand over her face, her permanently blue cheeks becoming more vibrant as she blushed, “the fact that you are willing to submit yourself at all speaks volumes to your commitment! Very well, I welcome you back into my legion!”
“There’s just one thing, Michael,” Adam lifted his head up, coming out of the bow, “I only have six months.”
Michael hummed, leaning down to get in his face, a sharp-tooth grin on her lips, “Then we’ll have to intensify your training, Adam.”
The man gulped nervously. He really didn’t like the menacing aura around her when she said that.
The next five months were hellish and brutal.
Adam had been strung up and beaten with a whip engulfed in fire, courtesy of Kushiel. It tore his back into mincemeat, cauterizing the wounds instantly with each strike.He screamed and cried, begging to be released, only to be stabbed in the throat to silence him.
Adam was beaten, tortured; feeling his soul crack more and more with each passing day.
In the midst of David drowning him, dunking his head into a tub of ice water and taking great joy in making him suffer, Adam was summoned. It was time for the trial.
Adam showed up, maskless and soaking wet, his normally pristine wings dragging on the floor. He took his place on the balcony beside a very concerned looking Lute.
Actually, everyone was looking at him with concern. It had been eons since he last publicly showed his face, after all.
“Sir?” She whispered to him, “I haven’t heard from you in months, is everything okay?”
“Do I look okay, bitch?” He snapped at her, his continuous sleep deprivation not doing any favors for his temper.
Lute bowed her head submissively, “Apologies, sir.”
Adam sighed, long and heavy, feeling a twinge of guilt, “I’ve been training, that’s all you need to know, okay?”
She nodded once and kept her mouth shut.
The trial played out and Sera, as always, determined Charlie’s idea held no weight. The princess and Vaggie were promptly sent back to Hell. What a waste of his f*cking time.
Adam cracked his neck and left the courtroom, taking his sweet time heading back towards Michael’s training grounds.
“Sir, wait, please!” Lute jogged to catch up with him, her fingers snagging the sleeve of his uniform, “You— you can’t just leave again! The girls are worried about you. I am worried about you…” Her face scrunched up and she gave him an almost pathetic look, “I miss you, sir.”
The man inhaled deeply and turned to face the woman, putting his hands on her shoulders and giving them a firm squeeze, “I know you do, Lute. Please just trust me when I say that everything I’m doing is for you.”
She blinked at him, brow scrunched in confusion, “Me, sir?”
Adam gave her a soft smile, leaning down to press a kiss on her forehead. She was blushing by the time he pulled away, “Yes, you. I’ll see you on extermination day, Lute.”
Adam left her without another word.
Adam stared up at Lucifer, everything moving in slow motion as the fallen angel beat him to a pulp. He let him. He wasn’t strong enough to do what he needed to do yet.
The man hacked up a wad of ichor, smiling at Lucifer as though he were his own personal Angel of Deliverance.
“K-kill… Me…” Adam barely managed to croak out, pleading with his eyes. There was a spark of something in Lucifer’s eyes then, some remnant of the angel Lucifer used to be; so beautiful and full of naïve love.
Adam saw little tears in Lucifer’s eyes as the fallen angel gathered up energy in his hand, poised to strike. With his free hand, Lucifer softly cupped Adam’s cheek and leaned down, pressing a soft and chaste kiss to his lips.
“Goodbye, Adam.”
Lucifer plunged his hand into Adam’s chest and everything went white for the man.
Once again he was back in the Embassy meeting room.
There were no shortage of torture methods for Michael and her legion to exploit. Humanity was nothing if not creative in coming up with methods to inflict all manner of pain. Frankly, Michael’s methods were far more restrained than the horrors Adam had witnessed humans subjecting each other to... Didn't make them suck any less though.
Stoned.
Force fed.
Drowned.
Whipped.
Buried alive for months.
Once again, being blinded and deafened.
Having teeth yanked out, one by one.
Electrocution.
All over multiple iterations. All of it to prime his soul for the extreme sensory deprivation he was about to be subjected to.
He could feel his soul breaking apart. Could feel himself getting stronger with each iteration.
Unlike the last time he endured sensory deprivation, this one was something only an immortal soul could hope to come back from, something utterly impossible for a human to even go through.
“Are you sure you want to take it this far, Adam?” Michael leaned over him while Solomon strapped Adam down to an operating table, “I’ve never gone this far, never had a reason to…” She hummed, “All my boys broke well and good before this point. What makes your soul so resistant, I wonder? Perhaps, Father’s essence?”
Adam snorted at her musing, “I’m certain, Michael,” he huffed, “do it.”
She shrugged and rolled up her sleeves, “Understand that your body isn’t real, Adam. It’s a shell manifested by your soul. Do away with the illusion, Adam. Become what you truly are.”
With that, she plunged her hand into Adam’s chest, gathering the man’s soul into her palm, causing him to scream with the worst pain he'd ever experienced. She yanked it out, holding the radiant orb in her palm before placing it in a jar. Adam’s body, his shell, crumbled away into nothingness.
Michael sighed, “Okay, seal it, Solomon.”
The man recited a spell, sealing the container with magic, “There. What happens next is up to him, ma’am. If he succeeds, he’ll use his own power to break free and reconstruct his body… Do you think he can do it?”
“Adam is like me, Solomon,” she smirked, tapping on the glass, “he was made from our Father’s essence. He will either succeed or…” She sighed heavily, “Or he will rejoin Father and I will be in more trouble than you could possibly fathom.”
Solomon snorted in response, “The risk you’re taking for him, ma’am,” he shook his head, “my father believes he’s a lost cause.”
“Your father doesn’t know Adam, not really. Adam is neither human nor angel, Solomon,” she mused, eyeing the soul carefully, “he has potential that few people are able to see. Let’s leave him be for now.”
Adam felt himself floating in a void. He could neither see nor hear, couldn’t feel, couldn’t taste, couldn’t smell.
Yet he could still feel something. A Holy Light within the depths of his being.
“Oh, Adam, my dearest creation,” Adam felt himself be cradled in familiar hands; infinitely large hands that he remembered from before he even took his first breath, “what have you done to yourself, my beautiful boy?”
Adam felt sorrow from his Creator. Because of course God would be sad over what he’s done to himself.
But just as soon as God was there, He was gone, and Adam was falling into the darkness again.
Alone.
Floating.
Scared.
Images passed through his minds eye and he saw Lute. Lovely, perfect, beautiful, loyal Lute.
He opened his eyes and smiled as met with the void of the cosmos, twinkling stars and nebulae swirling around him. Adam looked around and saw nothing in the infinite void of space.
Adam reached out and touched the smoky nebulae around him, waving his hands around to manipulate the stars and space into the image of his Lute. One mental image he had of her from their night together in the wilderness; she had looked even more divine under the stars than she normally did.
He ran his hand over the smoky cheek of the image, smiling. He would give anything to see her again. His love, his light, his companion. His helper.
Just like Eve when so recklessly threw herself into danger to help him, Lute tried over and over again to save him. She loved him so much, a love he wasn’t worthy of. He didn’t deserve to be happy with her, did he?
Adam felt a small hand grip his own and he snapped his head around, looking down in shock at the little girl standing next to him.
“What do you want, sir?” The little girl with snowy hair asked him, yellow eyes twinkling, “What do you desire from the deepest depths of your soul, Adam?”
“You,” he responded without hesitation, “you, Lute.”
The girl sighed, squeezing his hand far too tightly, “Liar!” She screamed and the cosmos around them cracked like glass.
Adam tried to pull his hand away, but the girl had a death grip on him. He was scared of her, he wanted to get away! He wasn’t lying!
“I asked you what you desire from the deepest depths of your soul, Adam!” The girl took a step forward and the space cracked under her footsteps, “Eons before that woman existed, you held a deep desire. What is it?!”
Adam flinched back only to be yanked forward, the girl forcing him to his knees, “I— I don’t know! Uh, my— my children being freed from suffering?”
The girl growled at him and the space started to fall apart, shards of glass raining down, “LIAR! You lie to yourself, Adam! You lie to everyone! You lie to Sera, you lie to Lute! All you do is lie, you coward!”
Adam screamed as glass fell on top of him, impaling him in the left arm, “I know!” He cried, “I’m a liar and a coward! I know! But I don’t know what you want me to say! I don’t even know who you are!”
The girl rolled her eyes, “Another lie.” Another shard of glass fell, this time impaling him in his right eye, forcing a cry of agony out of him, “You endured so much pain in order to free me. How could you not recognize me? What am I, Adam? Really look at me and tell me who I am.”
Adam blinked his tears away and locked eyes with the little girl. He tilted his head at her and felt blindsided by the answer.
“My heart,” he answered, “you’re my heart.”
“Correct. It’s been a long time, Adam. After Eve, you sealed me away. So afraid to love, so afraid to be vulnerable again,” she smiled softly at him, “that was the reason you fled Michael’s training all those years ago. You didn’t want anyone to see what a broken, miserable, creature you are. Now that’s changed. You allowed yourself to love and now you can overcome fear, Adam.”
She knelt down and put her hand on his cheek. Adam shuddered, leaning into it.
“So face your greatest fear, Adam. Admit your deepest desire to yourself. Admit what you long for.”
“I want… I want to— to be free! I want to love myself!” Adam sobbed, throwing himself against the girl, “I don’t want to kill my children! I want to be happy! I want to love and be loved! I want to be free of all this pain! I want to be free!”
The girl hummed and pet back his hair, “Then let go, Adam. Let it all go. Release yourself from all that binds you and be free. You know what you have to do. Once you do, you will have the strength to find her, Adam.”
The man melted into her embrace and a soft white glow surrounded them as the girl was absorbed into him. The glass shattered into pieces and Adam fell into a white void…
The glass jar cracked and Michael looked up from her desk, watching as Solomon’s spell broke apart and white light filled the room.
She looked away from the light for a moment and then saw Adam sitting, naked, on the floor of her office. Michael approached him, gasping softly at the man’s appearance. His left arm had a twisted and ugly scar running down it and his right eye was faded, now a pale yellow rather than brilliant gold.
“You made it,” she commented, a hint of a proud smile on her lips, “congratulations, Adam.”
Michael extended her hand to him and he took it, unused to his body after months of being an exposed soul. She snapped and a simple robe clothed his body.
“Let’s see what you can do, hm?”
Michael led him out into the training grounds where her legion gathered around to watch. Adam instinctively knew what to do to demonstrate his newfound power.
But he had no desire to show off anymore.
So Adam did the very thing he set out to do from the very beginning.
“Zarman amiran de ol, boaluahe.”
He uttered the Enochian spell and a series of magic circles appeared around Adam, each one sending a beam of light into the sky before engulfing him completely. He closed his eyes and allowed the light to swallow him, tearing his soul apart into infinite tiny pieces.
He felt as his spell, his soul, searched all of eternity, spreading out across time and space. Searching every single world that was scattered amongst a sea of fragments. Those shreds of himself entered each world and were maddened in their search for her, each version of himself unaware of what he was looking for. Those small parts of himself influenced the Adam that was already there, compelling them to try and take care of his girl. It caused them pain the further along he went, the fragments of his soul growing larger with each world. Each death he endured rolled into the fragment of his soul that was searching that world.
After what felt like hundreds of thousands of years to Adam, though in reality was mere seconds, his spell found her.
That small portion of his soul that found her gently cradled the little fragment of a world in his hands. He held it close to his chest as the rest of his soul converged, gathering back into himself into the unified being that was Adam.
And he remembered everything. Every painful moment of every world except for the one he held in his hands.
There, floating amongst a sea of all potential worlds, Adam had found his home.
He closed his eyes and smiled as he vanished.
“Adam?” Lute’s worried voice reached his ears, “Um, my Adam?”
The man wanted to weep tears of joy at hearing her sweet voice. He forced his astral projection away and quickly hurried to the room, shoving past a very confused Charlie on his way.
“Lute!” He cried the second he saw his beloved with his own eyes; scooping her up into his arms and taking to the air, spinning around in circles while laughing with pure jubilation.
The confused look on her masked face was adorable, but he needed more. He needed to see her face. Adam practically tore off her helmet and threw it away with disgust. He never wanted to see that terrible thing hiding her beautiful face ever again.
Lute tilted her head at him, ignorant of the circ*mstances that had him behaving so strangely. That was fine, he decided; he would tell her everything later. For now though…
“Lute, I love you!” He slowed his spinning and gazed at her lovingly. Lute was his heaven; his own personal Seventh Heaven given physical form. He smiled at her, yanking his helmet off and letting it fall to the ground, hearing the mask crack like glass, “I love you…”
Lute was staring at him with wide eyes, reaching up to put her hand on his face, her thumb stroking the tired bag under his right eye, “Sir, what happened? Your eye…”
Adam’s smile fell and he covered his right eye with his hand, noting how his vision didn’t change at all. He let out a dry laugh.
So, that was a permanent thing now? Made sense, he supposed. As Michael told him, his body was just a shell. The changes to his soul merely reflect onto that shell. His soul had been damaged and now, even if he went to other worlds, his eye would always be like this. Come to think of it, his left arm hurt a bit too, like a consistent but dull muscle ache.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to her own, “I’ll tell you everything later. Just— just let me hold you,” a few tears flowed down his face as he pulled her in for a proper hug, slowly landing onto the floor, “I love you, Lute. I love you so much.”
“I— I know that, sir,” she tilted her head up, giving him a smile, “I love you too.”
“No, Lute, you don’t understand,” he put his hands on her face, locking eyes with her, “I love you.”
She still looked confused and Adam just laughed. That was fine. He’d show her what he meant later.
For now, he had arrangements to make.
This was the last world either of them would ever be in, so Adam was going to make damn sure that it was a good one.
Charlie sighed heavily as she walked into the hotel, disheartened at the way the meeting with the angels turned out. She looked at all of her silly childish drawings and contemplated how else this could have gone when all she had was her imagination put to paper and a silly song to make her argument.
What else could she have done though? She barely had any time to prepare!
To top it off, Adam obviously had beef with her parents so he probably just didn’t like her from the get go. Why had her father sent her to that meeting in the first place? Was it so Adam could crush her silly little dream? Maybe. Lucifer wasn’t exactly that supportive, even if he wasn’t getting in her way.
Just as she was about to wander further into the hotel to sulk, there was a knock on the door.
Charlie automatically perked up. Maybe it was a potential guest! She quickly forced a cheerful smile to her face, spinning around and flinging open the door.
“Hello and welcome to the Hazbin Hoooooo…” Charlie let her eyes travel upwards until they landed on Adam’s face.
“Hazbin Ho? Yeah, I’m sure you get a lot of those in Hell, ba—“
Charlie slammed the door and turned around, stiff as a board, “Uhhh, Vaggie?” She called the woman in from the other room, unsure of what to do.
Vaggie hurried into the foyer.
“What’s up, babe?” She asked.
“The leader of the exorcists is here,” Charlie hissed urgently, “like right outside the door!”
Vaggie paled.
“W-w-what?” Vaggie stammered out nervously, eye darting around the room before landing on the front door. She took a half-step back.
“Look, I don’t know why he’s here but the meeting didn’t exactly go well, so…” She winced a little, “I just need a little support!”
“You— you can’t let him in, Charlie!” Vaggie hissed, “Look, even if he can’t do anything to us outside of exterminations, he clearly wants to do something bad by showing up here! Maybe get inside of your head, getting you to lower your guard!”
“Why though?” Charlie posed, “He already laughed in my face at the Embassy. Why would he come here to trick me?”
“I— I don’t know! All I know is you can’t trust him!”
Charlie considered her words for a moment before she sighed, “Okay, I won’t trust him, but I need to hear what he has to say.”
Before Vaggie could protest further, Charlie opened the door.
“Sorry about that, Mr. Adam, sir!” She grinned, “So, uh, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Adam co*cked his brow at her while grinning. That was when Charlie noticed the crack in his mask. It caused his expression to glitch a little bit.
“Oh, nothing much,” he squeezed himself through the doorway and looked around, snorting at how run down everything looked before his eyes landed on Vaggie; poor bitch was sweating bullets, keeping her head down and her hair in her face to avoid being recognized, “I just came here to apologize.”
Vaggie stiffened at that.
“Oh?” Charlie perked up.
“Yeah, I was kind of a dick to you, babe,” he continued with his back to Charlie, pretending to look around the hotel, “so was my lieutenant,” he sucked in air through his teeth, “she’s sorry too, for everything.”
“Well, that’s… That’s really wonderful of you to say, Adam, thank you,” Charlie sighed in relief, “so, um, not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but, does this mean you’ve changed your mind about my redemption plan?”
Adam hummed, closing his eyes, “It’s important to be honest, you know, especially with the people you love. Did Lilith ever tell you about me, Princess?”
Charlie made an awkward face, “Errr… Yes, but it wasn’t exactly flattering…” She replied honestly.
“Yeah, that figures. Your mom is a f*ckin’ drama queen, same with your dad. Bet it was all ‘Adam was such a controlling asshole and we’re just a couple of innocent dreamers’ sh*t, right?” He chuckled and Charlie nervously tugged on her shirt collar.
Adam hit that nail on the head.
The man snapped his fingers and summoned a book into his hands, “If I know Lilith, and I do know Lilith quite well, then she probably has her own storybook, yeah?”
Charlie was sweating now, eyeing his book with curiosity. He approached her and offered it to her.
“To broaden your horizons, Princess,” he grinned at her, “if you’re serious about your little dream, then you should learn more about, well, everything. This is my story, babe. Take good care of it for me, will ya?”
Charlie hesitantly reached out and took the purple book from him, “I… I don’t know what to say…”
“Pfft! Don’t be so stiff, babe! Chillax, it’s just a book, it won’t bite!” He laughed, “Anyway, I better get back to my girls! I love all those bitches, every single one, no matter what.”
Vaggie opened her mouth and immediately closed it.
“Oh, um, okay. Well, I’ll read the book, but then what? Are you still coming back for the extermination in six months?” Charlie asked quietly.
Adam smiled gently at her, almost paternally, “Honey, you’ll never see me again. Peace out, slu*ts!” The man chuckled and threw up the sign of the horns except…
Vaggie squinted, noting that his thumb was extended as well. It was a casual way to sign ‘I love you’ and was clearly intended for Vaggie’s benefit.
Adam disappeared into a portal after that.
“Huh, well that wasn’t a 'no' to the hotel, Vaggie! Oh my gosh, can you believe it?!” Charlie squeaked excitedly, “Bit weird he wants me to read this book, but I suppose there are two sides to every story. Maybe this’ll really help.”
Vaggie chewed on her lip and thought back to what Adam had been saying. She made a decision.
“Charlie,” she reached out and grabbed Charlie’s hand, “there’s— there’s something I need to talk to you about, something important. Something about my past.”
Charlie looked surprised but then her expression softened into a smile and she allowed Vaggie to lead her to their room so they could talk in private.
Lucifer yawned and stretched, cracking his back after leaving his little workshop. So many new ducks, so little time!
He walked towards the kitchen to make himself some coffee by hand. On his way back, he passed by the library and his tired eyes went wide. He backed up and cracked his head to the side, finding none other than Adam lounging in his favorite chair while idly flipping through a copy of the storybook Lucifer and Lilith created for Charlie.
Lucifer growled, immediately chugging his searing hot coffee before placing the mug down on a table and marching over to the man.
“Breaking and entering now, Adam?” Lucifer snorted, crossing his arms, “How’d you get in here without me noticing?”
“Hmm, you must not have been paying attention!” Adam grinned smugly at him and Lucifer noticed his broken mask.
“What’s up with your mask?” The fallen angel asked.
“Dropped it. Don’t worry about it.”
Lucifer narrowed his eyes, confused by the reaction. Adam liked to be relatively put together, or his definition of it anyway. It was unlike him to just go around with a broken mask.
“Why are you here, Adam?” Lucifer rolled his eyes.
“Why didn’t you want to see me, Lucifer? You sent your daughter instead,” Adam flipped a page in the book, “why?”
“Because I don’t like you.”
Adam snorted, breaking out into full blown laughter, “Bullsh*t. You love me. You always have, Samael, don’t lie.”
“Do not use that name!” Lucifer’s demonic features flared up as he screamed at Adam.
The man was silent for a moment, “The Venom of God,” he began, “I always thought it was a strange name for someone as cheerful as you. It’s almost like He knew you’d be poisonous from the get-go, that you would poison humanity, poison everything you touched,” he flipped to another page, “that’s why you pushed Lilith away, why you gave the Sins their own Rings to rule, why you weren’t involved in your daughter’s life, why you didn’t want to meet with me… Am I right?”
Lucifer’s demon features melted away and now he just looked sad. The fallen angel collapsed into the seat across from Adam and sighed, “Did you come here to rub it in, Adam? I’m already in Hell, lonely, depressed, isn’t that good enough for you?”
Adam flipped to another page, “I didn’t come here for that, old friend,” he hummed a little, “huh, you know, you really painted Lilith and yourself as innocent, misguided victims here. We both know that isn’t the truth.”
Lucifer scoffed, “It’s a story meant for a child. It’s supposed to be simplified.”
“Still, pretty biased, man,” Adam clicked his tongue, “you should know, your daughter is getting the real story now. I had a book too and I gave it to her.”
Lucifer’s eyes widened and then he closed them in resignation, “So, you’re here to destroy what little relationship I have left with Charlie?”
“Far from it. I’d never dream of damaging a relationship between a parent and child! Not maliciously, anyway,” Adam scoffed, genuinely offended, “I just think she deserves the truth. She may be naïve, but she has a good heart. Personally, I think she’s nuts, but frankly I don’t care anymore.”
Adam slammed the book closed and stood up, approaching Lucifer and holding out his hand to him. Lucifer gulped and took it, allowing Adam to pull him to his feet.
“I did love you, you know,” Adam said as he put his hand on Lucifer’s face, cupping his cheek softly; the fallen angel looked so small right now and he could tell that Lucifer felt small, almost like a child, “you were my best friend, my brother, but you broke my heart, Samael.”
Adam pulled off his mask and leaned down, pressing his forehead to Lucifer’s.
“Your eye…” The fallen angel whispered softly, heat rising to his face from having Adam so close.
“Don’t worry about it. Doesn’t matter,” he huffed, closing his eyes, “Lucifer, I’m here to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? I don’t understand, Adam…” Lucifer replied in a quiet voice.
“I forgive you, Lucifer. For all of it. Lilith, Eve, my children, all of my children…” Adam choked on his emotions a bit, “I forgive you.”
Lucifer’s mouth gaped, his eyes wide as he fell to his knees, clutching Adam’s cassock in disbelief, “You— you f-forgive me…? Why?! I don’t— I don’t deserve it!”
“Doesn’t matter,” Adam told him, “I forgive you and I… In spite of everything, I still love you, Lucifer. That’s why I held onto my hatred for so long, because I hated myself for still loving you even after you hurt me so deeply. But it’s okay now. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t hate myself.” Adam put his hand on Lucifer’s head, petting his hair, “You won’t see me ever again, Lucifer, goodbye.”
Adam disappeared in an instant, leaving Lucifer feeling at a loss. A burden had been lifted from him by the last person he ever expected kindness from, but… He didn’t know how to live without the guilt of his own original sin…
“You need to return home, Lilith.”
The woman tilted her head back, watching as Adam approached her.
“That’s not part of our deal, love,” she dismissed him, “you said that so long as you were around, I could stay in Heaven.”
“I won’t be around to protect you anymore, Lilith. Go home.”
She narrowed her eyes and tore off her sunglasses, finally looking at the man’s face. His right eye was ghostly looking.
“What do you mean you won’t be around?” She asked him.
“Don’t worry about it. Doesn’t matter,” he replied, “I’m doing you a favor here. You need to return home. Go be with your husband and your daughter.”
Lilith was silent for a moment, “Are you really going to abandon me after you promised to protect me?”
Adam sucked in a deep breath, “I’ve protected you for seven f*ckin’ years, Lilith! I’ve killed every single sinner on your little list! Everyone who had it out for you is dead,” he huffed, “I killed them all in like the first year, okay?”
Her eyes widened at that, “You what?”
He averted his gaze, a bit ashamed, “I thought it was best you stay here so I could keep an eye on you. Besides, it was hilarious knowing Lucifer was miserable without you around.”
Lilith stood up, fury in her pale violet eyes, “So you’ve been lying to me for six years?!” She lashed out, slapping Adam on his shoulders and chest in an almost childish manner before shoving him, “You bastard! I can’t believe I thought you changed! When you—!” Her breath hitched, “When you saved me that day, I thought maybe you weren’t the same man anymore. That you were different! Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with me that I actually thought you could change?”
“Bitch,” he scoffed, shoving her right back, which she had the audacity to look offended by after she just got done slapping him, “who was the one who was trembling like a little lamb, grabbing my f*ckin’ robe, and going ‘Please, Adam, don’t leave me’? Oh yeah, it was you! Don't forget, I saved your sorry ass from being assassinated by your own people!"
He pushed her again, a little too hard, and she tripped over her lounge chair, sending her ass tumbling gracelessly onto the sand. Adam fumed for a moment before feeling like a dick about pushing her.
“f*ck, this isn’t how I wanted this to go, Lilith…” He sighed, “I’m sorry I pushed you,” he extended his hand to her and she slapped it away, glaring at him. Small tears gathered in her eyes and soon she was full blown crying, hiding her face in her hands.
Adam rubbed the back of his neck and went to stand behind her, grabbing her under her armpits and hauling her up to her feet. Gently, he dusted the excess sand off her body, treating her more like a child than a grown woman, and then he hugged her, allowing her to cry on his shoulder.
Lilith had always been surprisingly childish; a hilarious contrast to her regal appearance. Adam supposed that was one thing they had in common, really, being grown ass children.
“Lilith, do you honestly think I was too controlling?” He asked quietly.
The woman stopped crying for a moment before she shrugged only to immediately shake her head ‘no’, “A little, I guess,” she sniffled, “or that’s how I saw it. But I guess you were always just trying to include me in everything,” she let out a small laugh, “you were exhausting.”
Adam barked out a laugh. Yeah, he couldn’t argue with that point.
“Well, in hindsight, I should have realized you just needed your space,” he admitted, “I’m sorry for pushing you away Lilith. I’m sorry you ended up in Hell, I never wanted that. I’m sorry I resented you for all these years. And I forgive you, even if you don’t think you wronged me at all, I still want you to know that.”
“No, I… I was foolish. Naïve. So was Lucifer. I did wrong you, Adam. It was my idea to give Eve the apple, I swear I had no idea what would happen,” she shook her head, “I never wanted to hurt her or you, I only wanted her to know about all of the wonders outside of the garden. To know she could make her own choices and that it wasn’t wrong. Honestly, I was surprised when she still chose you, but…” She sighed, pulling back to look up at the man, “I get it now. Even after what happened with her and Lucifer, ha, well, you still loved her.”
“And you still loved Lucifer.”
“I didn’t have a choice. We were cast into Hell together.”
“I didn’t have a choice either. She was the only woman around.”
Lilith snorted, “We didn’t have any choice.”
“And yet we made our choices anyway,” he sighed with a little smile, “I could have rejected Eve, Heaven offered me a new bride. You could have pleaded your case, could have thrown Lucifer under the bus. Yet we both stuck by the ones we loved.”
“Jesus, Adam, when did you get so wise?” Lilith chuckled.
“When I fell in love again.”
Lilith blinked at him, “Oh my, well, she must be a truly special woman. You haven’t loved since Eve.”
Adam just threw her a grin and flicked her nose like he used to back in Eden, which always made Lilith pout defiantly.
“Here,” Adam pulled an item out of his pocket, placing it in her hand. An amethyst stone. “Good for one use. It’ll take you back to Hell. Pack your things and leave within twenty-four hours, Lilith. That’s when the enchantment around this area keeping anyone but me and Lute from entering will fail and you’ll be caught. You should go see your daughter and talk with her, she… Well, she has my story, I’m sure she’ll have questions…”
“Your story?” Lilith’s brow scrunched in confusion, “Why, if I didn’t know any better, it almost sounds like you’re making amends and are planning to kill yourself, Adam…” She laughed, but there was no humor behind it.
Adam just let out a small chuckle, "Goodbye, Lilith," he muttered before vanishing the moment Lilith blinked again.
“Adam?” She called out, “Adam?!” She cried louder, hoping that her comment wasn’t the truth.
For the first time in ten-thousand years, Lilith said a little prayer for Adam’s wellbeing.
Adam flew down to one of the many entrances into the Wilderness of Heaven where Lute was waiting for him. It was empty, as per usual; most souls who entered Heaven preferred to stay close to the cities. Others preferred their own isolated areas. The Wilderness, however, could be dangerous if you wandered in too deeply.
Some say that certain souls will find themselves wandering through the Wilderness because they’re still lost. They still have something to work out. Something to find. Unfinished business, of sorts.
For Adam and Lute, however, it was simply where they would never be found by anyone else.
Adam took Lute’s hands and gave it a squeeze. She returned it and smiled up at him. Both of them felt unburdened for the first times in their existence.
Free.
Never to be alone.
They both passed the threshold, into the Wilderness of Heaven, never to be heard from again.
